For a one-time payment of $5, I will provide you with three different dumb ways to mispronounce your name. This package includes a listing of the three mispronunciations, and access to high-quality mp3 of me pronouncing the names. You can use these to confuse loved ones, telemarketers, and local and state police. These new names come with no strings attached; you can do whatever you wish with them, though to make a name change fully legal, you may want to check with your local state or county government.