The problem with most Crowdfunding project pages is that they are written to sound like something that they are not. You want a project page that appeals emotionally to the crowd of people that you want to share your story, your dream, your passion with.
In order to pierce and penetrate the hearts of the people that you are trying to get to voluntarily reach into their wallets to donate to your cause...you must connect to them with emotional content.
Keep in mind that you will never get a second chance or a second reading if the first reading is lacking in the bridges that really connects to your potential donor.
Have you ever heard two people tell the same story before? While one person is telling the story, you find yourself captivated and listening intently and while the other person is telling the story...you find yourself bored and inattentive. What is the difference you wonder, after all, it is the same story. The difference is that one of them is a master storyteller and the other one is not.
For your Crowdfunding project page to have the optimum chance of reaching your intended, targeted crowd you want, no you need, to engage a master storyteller to tell your story...don't you?
Master Review and Edit
I will review and if needed edit your Crowdfunding project page to convey the best message to donors