Are you a man, woman, dog, 747, or vacuum cleaner nozzle who is looking for a voice over from a young Canadian baby boy from the murky depths of Ontario? Well, you're in luck, human being, animal, and/or object, for I am able to provide just that for you!
As someone who owns a computer, microphone, and blanket to drape over both, I am able to provide you with the voice over of your dreams. That is, if you dream of someone huddled under a blanket in the summer heat reading words into a $100 Blue Snowball microphone from Indigo.
I don't care what you make me read. I will read a book, I will read a list of compliments, I will read the entire manuscript of a play; the sky is the limit. As soon as I am notified of your order, I will drop everything, break out the blanket, and begin recording. You can keep the rights and such if you care about that sort of thing. If you are unsatisfied for any reason, too bad, you just paid some teenager $5 to read under a blanket.
If you want, I'll throw in some background music of your choice for free, just mention it when ordering. Anyone who charges over $5 for that is ripping you off, by the way; it is one of the easiest things to do in Audacity.