For only $5 I will hand write a personal letter and mail it to your address while incredibly intoxicated.* It will be absurd. It may be a short story. It may have deep personal confessions. I may draw you a picture. Who knows!
All the proceeds for this will go towards my sister's wedding dress!
*I will write the letters when I happen to be drunk. I wont just get drunk every day. I am not an alcoholic.